“Lately,” from my latest album my anxious age, is now available for listening on Soundcloud. The album is available for purchase here, and now features two additional songs along with a 24-page full color zine with lyrics, personal stories, and poetry. The lyric page for “Lately” is shown above.
my anxious age tells the story of a season of depression I went through in the fall of 2016 after I left the classroom to pursue my graduate studies. I wrestled with guilt over leaving my students and bitterness toward the school district for its treatment of me during this time. In the midst of this mourning period, I began to address unresolved feelings toward a group of former friends who wanted to mold me in their image. I encountered financial burdens for the first time in my life, while realizing that I had been privileged enough to never face them before and was only then facing them because I had chosen to pursue a path for my own future success.
“Lately” attempts to contain all of these feelings within a 45-second verse, a nod both to our age of tweet-able laments and my feeling (sometimes false, sometimes real) that no one had time or energy for the long version of my story. We want to hear our friend’s successes but sometimes cannot bear to sit with the hard parts. The few people who sat with my pain are the ones I hold even closer now.
This song is the answer people do not want to hear when they ask, “How are you doing?” The unspoken question, “How have you been feeling lately?” is an encouragement to ask deeper questions of those we love, to seek professional help from mental health counselors when we need it, and to listen the long version when our impulse is to keep it short. This isn’t even half of the story, but it’s a start.